turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
