I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
