I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
