there's paper in my vomit.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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