I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
