I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My bed smells like the plague
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
