dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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