You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
