I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
