I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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