You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
