i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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