Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
