well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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