What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
