While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
