Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
