And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
