Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
