You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
