I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
