What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
