thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
