Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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