i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
