one word: firstdatebathroomanal
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
