my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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