2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
