I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
