Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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