It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
