Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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