new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
