my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
