we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
