No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
