I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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