watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
