I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
