Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
