a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
