I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
