she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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