Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
