Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
