maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
