I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
