Apparently you make a good broom.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
