why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
