Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
