does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
