There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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